Planning a wedding is a joy, a privilege, and a major source of stress for all involved. I made countless mistakes from the very beginning that taught me a lot about myself as a person, as a future wife, and eve the type of employee I am at work.
Dan and I are now 13 days away from our wedding and here’s hoping my mistakes can help you on your journey. Feel free to comment with where you went wrong and where you excelled!
Not Having the Wedding Budget Talk Right Away
Weddings are very expensive. Figuring out how much you can spend immediately is the best way to manage the sticker shock you’re about to face. Having this somewhat difficult discussion also helps you allocate how much you can spend on the things that are most important to you.
Lastly, if there is anyone in your family that would like to become involved financially, they will be happy (and relieved) that you were able to have this conversation now, rather than stress yourself beyond measure initially during what is supposed to be a joyous period in your life.
Failing to Have an Upfront Planning Discussion
It is essential to chat with your partner about what is most important to you both, what isn’t, and where you’re willing to negotiate. I did not realize how important a band was to Dan when we started and he did not realize how important photography and videography was to me because I never told him!
Outline what you’d like included on your special day and take the time to explain why. It will make planning your wedding easier and ensure it meets if not exceeds your expectations.
Trying to Plan at the Detriment to Everything Else
In the beginning I bought a massive wedding planning binder that outlined a timeline, categorized tasks, and more. After going through it several times and trying to take a stab at things on my own I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and very worried.
Another area I went wrong was feeling like I needed to complete every task that came in as it popped up, even on weeknights. I dedicate a great deal of time, brain power, and energy to my full-time job because I love it. Forcing myself to log on in the evenings after a long day to plan a wedding (on top of a 6am workout, planning healthy meals, and social events here and there) was the wrong way to go about things.
So I began setting wedding tasks aside until the weekend. When tasks that seemed more urgent came in, I confirmed that it was okay for me to get back to them during the weekend. This helped me maintain my focus at work while plan more efficiently on the weekends.
Not Delegating Enough
As Dan and I work 7 days a week outside of 9 to 5 hours, we quickly realized planning the wedding we wanted ourselves was going to require help. So we factored a wedding planner into our budget. This did mean we had to make a sacrifice elsewhere but we weighed all options and this was most important to our overall experience, process, and sanity.
You will also find that people want to help and be involved. Let them. Allow the graphic designer in your life the help with a customized DIY and your friend that is a creative wordsmith come up with your catchy hashtag.
This makes people happy and feel as if they are contributed far beyond a gift and on the day of you will feel thrilled to let others know where these personal touches originated (thank you Kim and Sara!)
Trying to Guess What People Want Without Asking
During the months leading up to our wedding, I constantly worried about other people’s needs for the day of. What was the flow of the day going to be like for each guest and their resulting experience? Did someone expect a certain level of involvement or ownership in a particular part of the day?
Where I went wrong was not asking people what their expectations were so I could either meet them completely, or find a way to meet them halfway. Don’t try to guess how those closest to you want to be involved and don’t try to plan every second of everyone’s experience at your wedding.
There are a few things that will not go as planned, but that is going to be okay! Once you adopt this acceptance of wedding day imperfection, you’re going to feel a great deal lighter.
Not Making My Working Style (and Expectations) Clear From the Beginning
At work I am a detail-oriented high performer. My clients know where we are at at all times, what to expect, and I always do my best to over deliver on their expectations.
Well my wedding planner did not know that because I did not tell her. While she was working diligently on her side, I felt clueless to the minutiae of details and where we were in the process of completion.
After having a heart-to-heart, I confessed I would feel better seeing where we are at in each area, when each was due, and who was owning what. And you know what? She had been working from a doc that outlined all of that but typically does not share it with brides because they don’t want it (it does overwhelm many people). But for me, seeing every task, tab, and levels of completion gave me peace of mind.
Feeling Like Everything Rested on My Shoulders
After joining countless wedding planning groups and forums, I saw a somewhat frightening recurring theme. Many of the brides were overtaxed with working full-time and managing the majority of the wedding planning tasks themselves.
There were several months I felt this way (silently) which in hindsight was unfair to my partner. After finally speaking up, Dan came to the table with incredible ways we could handle the process, began contributing the thoughts and opinions he had all along, and proposed ways he could best help.
All of a sudden wedding planning became easier and the months ahead much more manageable.
Now onto what I did do right…
Factor in Time for Mistakes & Failures
Ever the risk-averse planner, I created timelines with a lot of built in time for things to go wrong and of course for delays. Dan created our wedding favors (homemade hot sauces with peppers he grew in our rooftop garden) and he had his prototypes made over a month before we wanted the finals done.
Most large items were purchased two months ahead of time and any remaining DIYs had to be completed a few weeks prior to wedding week (as none are going to be done that week!)
To quell any day of rain fears, I purchased large white umbrellas that would look great in photos. If any clouds appear that morning they will not be causing any worries for me!
Lastly, I created a communication plan for the week of. I do not want to be fielding a million questions from everyone so my wedding planner and I created a thorough outline of what she could handle and what would need to be escalated to me. All of the above would allow me to focus on and enjoy our guests coming into town, rest, and get beautified without worrying about a multitude of last minute tasks.
Hiring the Best Team we Could Afford
After doing a great deal of research, Dan and I made every effort to hire the best team of professionals our budget would allow. We also made sure we were working with people we already knew and trusted.
We received a recommendation on our wedding planner through family, I have actually known my DJ since college, worked with my hair/makeup artist on several photoshoots, and collaborated with my florist for multiple events.
I have complete trust in my team because they are the best and I have history with them. That translates into less worry leading up to and on our wedding day.
Don’t Forget About Love
I made a conscious effort to continue to remember what this day is truly about – love and who it is for — all of our family and friends. This day is an opportunity for us all to gather, enjoy incredible food, dance, laugh, and celebrate love.
When things get a little crazy and you begin to worry about your level of worry or how you’re going to get everything done, remember your foundation. How fortunate we are to have someone so wonderful, we are pledging to be by their side for a lifetime.
Wishing you all the love, joy, and support in planning your special day!
Patti
September 30, 2018Best comment of all…don’t forget about love!